This article took me awhile to write. Not because it is interesting , but because there are so many myriad ways to put it. So many opinions. I am writing this based solely on my judgement and thinking. If you think otherwise then so be it.
Maybe we have all watched too many fantasy movies or Disney films growing up, because our expectation of a perfect relationship or perfect partner is not in alignment with our soul intent. And then there was Mills and Boon to create a false assumption of Tall Dark and Handsome lovers who would sweep us off our feet on a God damn white Horse and gallop towards never ending sunsets! Click! Wake up!
We are all here on earth simply to enjoy our time, live with the flow and eventually do as the society demands (some do otherwise, and they have all my respect) whether we like it or not.
Whether we like it or not, we all have our Belief systems based upon our own thinking on how we want our relationship to be. Having said that, we then try to mold our partner into what we want them to be , disregarding whether the other person likes it or not. Most of the times, our partner out of love may change and adapt; but then how long?
To be honest, these belief systems usually end up in bad marriages, broken relationships and utter disappointment.
He loves Italian. She loves Thai. She hates the sight of Pasta. He cannot understand the oriental way of cooking. She compromises. He compromises. They go eat out . Once. Twice. Thrice. He tries to make her like Italian and vice versa. Argue about each other bad taste in food. Eventually, dislike for each others liking gets dragged into every other little thing. Is it mandatory that you dine out ONLY with your Partner? Why not dine with a friend or acquaitance who loves to eat what you love. Why not eat an altogether different cuisine that you both may develop a liking for?
Dating for 4 years. Societal beliefs say you should be marrying. The woman wants to. The Man doesn’t. If he says Yes, he is a good, responsible and dutiful lover ( I am not saying this, the society is). If he says No, then he is self centered, egoistic and only using the woman for his physical benefit! ( the society again ) What stupid thinking is this? Why should a woman gain all the sympathy is a relationship? What ever happened to personal choice? First you push him to marry you, then you blame the soul on how terrible he is at being a Husband!
Married. “I love your Mother. You MUST love mine as well”. Why?
“I go along with your brother like a house on fire, you don’t even consider to talk to mine!” Why is that necessary?
I Married YOU. I go well with your family , that is enough,. Whoever said we got to be eating out of each others hands?!
She is the cheesy romantic love fool wit all the social sites flaunting ‘madly in love’ display pictures. He is the private anti-social sites person. She loves being social with a big circle of friends. He loves his cliched circle and personal life She feels he doesn’t have a life. He thinks there is more to life than social media.. Perfect personal opinions about themselves. But imperfect opinions about the other person.
Expectations VS Reality
Why can we not do this? Receive anything your partner has to offer as a gift rather than expecting. Why do we expect? I understand this is Human nature, but why do we do it to an extent that the other person gets frustrated?
If you feel like you aren’t getting what you need out of the relationship and you have tried to inform the other of your feelings, try coming from a place of love rather than expectation. It is actually fulfilling to seek something in love rather than expectation. Read again. I have used to the word SEEK. Do not DEMAND. Just ASK. Your partner is an individual with a life of their own. If there is something that they cannot give you, then do not push them. One can only give what they have. How can you seek optimistic opinion from a pessimist? What happened to the person inside you? Demand the person INSIDE of you to fulfill your desires. not your Partner. Be patient, they will most likely come around when they feel it is right, not when you are seeking it.
Rather than blaming your partner for your frustration, have you paused and asked yourself why do they anger you so badly? Let go of the expectation. The universe is responsible for the love between you both and it will keep pushing you towards each other. You need to understand better and break down the stories you have created. If you choose to leave based on your partner pushing your buttons, your next relationship will be even more challenging and the cycle will continue to repeat itself until you have learned the lessons that are required.
He liked her. She liked him. He gets her a ring. He asked. She said Yes. Now, do you really think , that you bought her outright with that ring? Do you women really think that Just because you have said YES to him , you have done a massive favor on his existence? If you both think this way.. then you need to think again. Not about the relationship , but your Mental Health!
A ring, a promise or a commitment should all provide a sense of happiness and belonging. Not ownership of the individual!
“Here take this ring, as a sign of my obsessive possessiveness, that binds you to me and only me, for the rest of your god forbidden living life!”
Having a sense of ownership over our partner is a common assumption that needs to be let go of in order to live in harmony. We forget we are two individuals. we have come together for our liking of each other and we have agreed to be on a emotional and physical level together. We all want to love and be loved in return. Now I am not saying go out and be intimate with whomever you please because your spouse does not have ownership over you, however if your spouse did choose to engage in such an activity, know that that has nothing to do with you. It is their loss or their gain. It is their regret or guilt if they think so. Or it could be an eye opener for you and them for a reality check! At some level, whether it be subconscious or conscious, your spouse felt they needed that experience. Again I repeat, it is a personal choice.I am not here to promote cheating and polygamy.
We live in a sick world! So many beliefs, so many assumptions and so many systems that we have grown with over the years. A very wrong belief is that the partner should say, behave, ask, do and provide for the other person. A belief that once in a relationship your world should and only revolve around the other person. What we do not understand is the pressure to do these things is so much that we get depressed eventually, and the person for whom we have been doing things bears the brunt of our depression.
We all are individuals with a unique and beautiful mindset in its own right. It is entirely our own personal decision whether or not we want to share our joy and sorrows with the other person. Our own desire whether we would like to provide service, love notes, words of love, public display of affection or any such thing.
Derek Lovell, in his article about relationships, says, “If the thought of leaving a relationship comes up a lot, especially when the other is leading you to a place of anger or frustration, DO NOT LEAVE! ”
I beg to differ. Do not leave, until when? Times change, people too. Accept change. Don’t get accustomed to a standard behavior.