Lily of Love

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A warm summer morning, he arrived at my door

He had brought his charming smile along, he also had something more

In his hands he held a soft tissue,

Wrapped in it was a large Lily bloom

I smiled and took a deep breath,

The Lily filled me up….

He put his arms around me….

The tiger Lily had made me swoon.

That day on, the mighty flower, was always my favorite

I’d always pick one wrapped in tissue when I passed the florist’s market

The best ones always arrived with him

On every Valentines and Birthday

Sometimes he would send one out of the blue,

With a note, ‘My Darling, I love you anyway’.

The bud always took long to bloom,

I would not have it any other way,

The longer it stayed, it reminded me,

‘My Darling, I love you anyway’.

Arguments he took lightly and I took them out of the way,

The note then said, ‘Break my heart, my baby,

But, I’d still love you anyway’

One fine evening, the lily bud arrived,

Without my lover in tow,

My love attached a note with it, that did say,

‘My Darling, I’ll pick you up at eight and I love you anyway’

Eight turned to nine and then ten,

Anxiety grew on me and so did an unknown weird pain,

The pain got a reason when the phone rang

The police said, ‘Come as fast as you can’.

The hospital walls like me, wore panic and fear,

I could barely carry myself as I grew near,

As fast as I came, I still got very late,

My love was floating away as a soul……

……in my hand a little note and his wallet.

Collapsing on the floor, I let out a loud cry,

The note was barely scribbled, how hard he must have tried…

There was that one line, which would take a lifetime of pain away…

“I‘ll be watching from afar my baby, Know in your heart I’ll love you everyday”!

Since then, there have been six summers that have gone away,

I still imagine him with a Lily bud on my front door everyday

Love will never blossom in my heart, no matter what they say…

Lilies may bloom and fade, but they’ll never be another who’d say,

“My Baby, I love you anyway”!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Two Sides

These wrenching human bonds, these cold feelings,

 I want to be an animal in a no man dwelling

I want to be free and not to answer,

 I want to break away and never falter

I do not wish to answer what is wrong with me,

There is nothing that needs to be understood, there is nothing to open unto thee.

 I hate myself for my forgiving nature; I hate myself when I bend

To other people demands and call it my responsibility instead!

I want to be a man that no one can affect; I want to be one without any defect

When my people die I shouldn’t be the one to cry,

I got to live forward, that right to myself, I shouldn’t deny.

Loved ones should be replaceable and so should be relationships

Everyone should be a competitor, there is nothing called as friendship.

Why is it we humans get entwined among us?

Is it necessary to be answerable just?

Why do we belong to someone or the other?

Why do we have a Father or a Mother?

Can there not be a heart of stone?

Can we not live on bread alone?

Do we need to have feelings and justify what we see?

Can we not bother about the world and think only about me?

Love, trust, faith we forgo, we ourselves have created jealously and Ego

We fear to use what we create, we actually never forgive and we never really forget.

We all pretend and lie to a mirror; my shadow is wicked and so is yours my dear!

If this is it, so let it be! You are no perfect either ,so stop correcting me.

If we got to live in this world, we got to have two sides

One should love on the outside, one selfish inside!

We may never agree to what is written here, but deep down this is true

Our soul’s dialogue in front of the mirror says,

“There is nothing that I love More than YOU!”

 

 

 

 

Only love will do no good.

One cold evening, I sat in my bed,

I cried my heart out; I recalled the things he said

I remembered the beating, felt the tremors,

I couldn’t understand the hatred, how did he believe the rumors

As a new bride I left my cocoon, to build him a nest,

My duties surpassed as a wife, I gave his home my very best

I seen around my room now, our wedding frame hung on the wall

The laughter in my eyes then, was a victory before the fall

I remember the day, I introduced my Man

My mum gave a doubtful nod, my dad a wave of his hand

The conversation we had after he left,

The words come back again now, How did I ever forget?

I was so naïve to understand my father, so stupid in love to see his worry

Why did I never bother? To hold on sometime, listen to his story?

This Man my little girl, does not seem right,

He may love you today but he’ll be eager to fight.

His future is uncertain,

His attitude is rude

You also need trust and understanding,

Only love will do no good.

The door bell rang, I jerked out of the past

I shivered on my bed, said a prayer way too fast

I prayed it isn’t the man, my father said not to marry,

I opened the door and breathed out my cry of misery.

On the door to my so-called home, stood my darling dad,

How did I not remember the biggest strength I had

His eyes were filled with tears, his arms were open wide

I ran into the safety and wished there I could hide

I cried my heart out and begged his forgiveness,

He didn’t let me go from his arms, he knew my weakness

I regained my composure and cursed myself bad,

How did I forget I have a support, How did I forget I have a Dad?

Cruel as Cruelty.

People are CRUEL. Accept it. If you do not accept this fact, one day you will be a mess. A mess created by the Cruel people. 

When I say people in the above sentence I mean, everyone. Your Parents, your siblings, your friends, your enemies, extended family, everyone. No, Do not get me wrong. I am not here to tell you how bad your surrounding is or speak bad about your loved ones. I am just saying that they are Humans and they have a RIGHT to be cruel.

Now when I say Cruel, what are you thinking it means? You must think, willfully or knowingly causing pain or distress to others or enjoying the pain or distress of others, doing something bad to someone in simple terms. For me, Cruel means Raw, rigid behavior that causes pain without pity. I firmly believe pain can only be caused by people who Love you. Who Love you selflessly to the extent of hurting you at times. They do this, because you have LET them. Let them into your inner most being.

You must be wondering why I am lecturing on Cruelty. No, I haven’t joined any Movement or NGO promoting it. It’s because I have made cruelty from my loved ones my biggest strength. My earlier article spoke about the height of strength within a person. It got me thinking what must push a person to get strong, to the extent of not being hurt again? Answer: CRUELTY.

When we suffer Cruelty from the rest of the world we; a) hate them b) never forgive them c) talk bad about them etc blah blah.

People usually have a Crab mentality. They would never climb a steep slope and if someone is; then they would pull them down. True? How simple it would be if we all worked as a colony of ants. Calling that feeling Jealousy could sometimes be an understatement

When we suffer Cruelty from our loved ones we; a) cry b) curse and forgive c) forget and hug d) talk about it and let go and so on.

The above group will be cruel because they know you that well to suggest things. Putting it in a harsh way is an option because it would pierce deep from where you would take appropriate action. If you think otherwise, then maybe it time you prove them wrong.

If you are hurt by both instances why are you treating it differently? It’s time that you use those harsh words in your favor.  Generalize the cruelty but segregate the love. Take them as your critics. Draw equilibrium. Give back what you cannot handle. Curse only what you can handle back. Remember Karma comes back. Life is a circle.

Someday you would be thankful that someone did criticize. Don’t pay heed to how they say or what they say. What you need to pay heed to, is how have you taken it. It is the job of the world to tell you what you cannot do. It is your duty to SHOW them what you can do.  

Remember, you are not here to prove your existence to anyone. But, do also remember, every night before you close your eyes you got to feel amazing about yourself. Don’t self-pity. If you pity yourself, then that would be Self-Cruelty. Inflicting Cruelty on your own self would be your biggest mistake. YOU are an individual. YOU are YOU. There can never be another who is more YOUER than YOU are! Did that make sense?

Sometimes Cruelty is good. Anything that makes you a Better person is always good. It may sound negative, but when the result is so beautifully positive, trust me, negativity can change people in a way they never knew they could.

P.S. A small Poem in dedication to Goddess Cruelty.

Oh the Goddess of Cruelty

Thou shattered my image of Reality

I can never worship your existence

But this now I know

If I got to be a better person

I got to let go

You may come as powerful,

As powerful you can be,

But don’t forget you are facing

A wonderfully strong person as ME!

 

 

 

Limited Strength.

ImageThis is true. Its the Harsh reality that we live. Once you overcome your weakness and get the strength out of yourself it is very difficult to go back again to being weak. No, that is not Bad. But really, don’t we all need to be asked, How are you feeling today? Are you Okay? Do you need a Hug? 

Have you ever read a piece , a quote , an article or anything as such that makes you feel strong and good about yourself? I do it all the while.

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

You are able to say to yourself, “I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along”.

– Eleanor Roosevelt.

I have had my share of sorrows and pain and grief and what ever negative adjective you can think of. At some point we all have to go through that phase. Given to my ‘Let me take responsibility for this’ type of idiotic (sometimes) nature, I have had a bit more than the others. No, don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret it a bit. I am happy I have lived the ‘horror’ to get out of it stronger and wiser than I ever was. Now some things will never be able to scare me or pull me down.

But at the end of the day , Me and You are humans. How much ever stronger you are, you too have your moment of breakdown and you too need to know there is someone to fall back on. A soft pillow to just lie on and not be strong any more as expected. EXPECTATIONS. How we Love that word. Once you know someone is there to listen, you will load all your hurts and fears onto that person’s shoulder.  To err is human and we expect the other to listen, forgoing the fact that he/she may want to talk something too.

“I am strong, but I am tired, Stephen, tired of always having to be the strong one, of always having to do the right thing.” 
― Brenda JoyceAn Impossible Attraction

I know of a couple, lets say, Mr.and Mrs. Zee. Nice couple. Strong woman. Not-so-strong Man. (the way that it looks to me) The Man’s Birthday was well planned party and I marveled the hostess prowess of the woman. In return to my compliment, this is what she said, “Sometimes it gets so hard to be strong all the time, and take initiative to do everything. Sometime  I just want to stop worrying about being the stronger person, and just let my weak side show a bit. i want to be held and told its OK.I want to relax and let my Man lead. But most of the time, I just show that I am strong, no matter how I am feeling on the inside. It just gets tiring. “

I have no clue what made her say that. I was only expecting a Thank you. But then it hit me. THIS IS US. YOU AND ME. THIS IS A WOMAN. No matter how strong she is, what she wants is a man who takes the lead. She will happily follow. Mrs. Zee was in a sorry state. She gave so much that it emptied her and there was nothing to re-fill in again. 

It doesn’t have to be couple relationship every time. It could be any relationship.

A friend’s parents were going through a Divorce. 26 years of Marriage all forgotten. 23 year old child is the stress ball for the Mother and the Father. Listening to their constant bickering, he one day broke down to me. He was taking it all in for the last 8 months and now he couldn’t. He did not want to be strong anymore. He wished he could get a ‘Divorce’ from his parents. Not a nice feeling.

I do not want to arrive at a conclusion, because some of you may agree otherwise. Being Strong is a wonderful thing, it shows you have mastered the art of living and slapping Life’ sorrows in the face. I AM a strong person and I KNOW this. But don’t we all have that one point of limit?

Know your limit. Limit yourselves to that extent. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Little Understanding, Father.

Not all of us are born into a perfect family. Some of us grow gradually and then there are the rest who grow before our years.  There are those who give importance to their friends than they do to their family. Most of the individuals I have come across have always had a turbulent relationship with their parents. Usually the Father. For better or for worse. May be its the Father or it could also be the child. I will never know.  A relationship is a two way street. What we give is what we receive. It makes two to work. But then how do you handle one, wherein all you do is give? That is when we got to decide whether to stay or let go. Whether to take a stand or follow the same routine. Well, turbulent relationships have another write up following, as of now, enjoy this read!

 

Dear Father, I don’t know how is it not possible,

To not understand my said words,

You degrade your own offspring,

Go learn something from the birds.

They push their little babies,

Only when ready to fly,

And encourage them by showing,

How it is to take to the skies.

Why is it so difficult to give courage,

One good word can make a difference,

Money, isn’t everything everything you got to know,

Sometimes all I need is a little preference.

Mother may give me all the love

but you have a part to play,

I am not a baby anymore,

you’ve got to hear my say.

You may be wise over the years,

but I am no fool either,

We will never lose anything by sharing wisdom,

you’ll only Grow as my Father.

You and Me, are two individual beings,

We can never be the same,

Its your duty to teach me tricks,

Not beat me at your own game.

Daddy’s strong shoulders are every child’s hills,

But  his words are what will touch,

that tender heart will earn you respect,

My Daddy, what I am asking is not much!

A child’s duty towards its parents,

all from me lie fulfilled,

Surrendering  is lacking from my end…

…is it obedience in your books, to bow at your will?

Remember you aren’t a Hero to the whole wide world

But  you’ll always be one to your little girl,

You aren’t just a mender of broken toys,

you are a Superhero for your little boy.

Over time I think a couple of things we have missed,

It’s time to sit down and make a list,

I am, no God, either, bound by mistakes and earthly strands,

But  Daddy, you got to realize, its time for me to take my stand!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Empty Nest

An Old Couple  working in their little garden, The time was evening, the sun was low

The wrinkled Man tended to the newly hatched chicks, The frail woman dug out some fresh turnips

She cried in amazement as along she dug out a small plastic car, The man ran to his wife sensing fear from afar,

But what he found was her huddled in the soil, The turnips aside, the small toy was her joy.

In her hands lay the childhood of their little boys, they reminisced  in the soft mud the years gone by.

The summer the had their first born, the following another lad,

Their youngest was born on Christmas eve, three little boys they had.

Noisy little treasures, their home was now full, they stepped in muddy puddles, built houses with straw and wood.

Matchbox cars and trucks multiplied, weekends filled with treks, sails and rides.

A strong Dad was their superhero, Lovely Mum , their comfort pillow,

Built up trains and Lego rocket ships, One dreams of being an Astronaut, another Pirate of a Ship!

They taught them to be gentle, run errands, not lie like a Log,

With girlfriends be kind and humble, Not all girls come, from the Playboy catalog. 

When their eldest left home , it broke their heart, The second was no where easy,

But what hurt most was the youngest lad, He was one of the finest they had.

Into the world they entered, their three fine boys, now the couple melts tears, holding soiled toys,

The Sun has now set and the birds are flying home, The man helps his woman alone,

Hand in hand they walk with a heavy chest, Their home is now spic and span , but they call it their Empty Nest!

 

P.S. A very famous Pediatric Doctor once put a sign outside his clinic. “Children are a pain in the neck when they are around, and a Pain in the heart when they are not”. If you have little soiled arms around your neck, grab them and kiss them. Someday you would wish, what you would not give to kiss them a little longer…..